Procrastination and Perfectionism Are a Vicious Cycle. Here’s How to Cope.
Takeaway: Procrastination and perfectionism are linked by anxiety, creating a vicious cycle where fear of failure and inadequacy causes procrastination, leading to further anxiety and perfectionism. This cycle, rooted in subconscious beliefs about personal inadequacies, can cause problems in relationships and increase anxiety, leading to self-criticism and feelings of being controlled by fear.
Do you tend to put things off until the last minute? Are you someone who thinks about a goal, project, or task on repeat but just can’t get yourself to begin? Do you struggle to find the motivation to begin or finish something?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be a procrastinator. And if you’re a procrastinator, you may have felt your fair share of shame around the topic. After all, many people talk about procrastination as though it’s caused by laziness, lack of willpower, or some other character flaw.
But procrastination isn’t usually about laziness at all. Instead, it’s frequently caused by perfectionism.
As a perfectionist, you probably put an immense amount of pressure on yourself to be, well, perfect. This can keep you feeling stuck and small, because you’re too afraid of what might happen if you fail. And the more you procrastinate, the more you unconsciously reinforce the belief that you have to be perfect in order to start. And because you know deep down how hard it is to attain perfection, you’d rather just stay small. You don’t want to take the risk only to feel inadequate, unworthy, and like you’ve failed.
In my therapy practice, I work with young adults whose tendencies toward perfectionism cause them to procrastinate. It can become a vicious cycle. If you become frustrated and stressed because you struggle to start or finish things, you’re not alone. So let’s talk about the relationship between procrastination and perfectionism, and what you can do about it.
The Perfectionist Procrastinator
Imagine this: you have your sights set on a project you’re really excited about. Maybe it’s a work project that you’ve been dreaming up for months. Or maybe it’s something more personal, like a new goal or hobby. Either way, you’re really excited about it. But you also get really nervous when you think about it. And for some reason, no matter what, you can’t seem to motivate yourself to get started.
Every time you try, the anxiety comes rushing in. There are the racing “what-if” thoughts that swirl around endlessly in your mind. The physical symptoms like difficulty breathing and a racing heart. And that feeling of dread that you just can’t shake.
The more you put off starting your project, the more guilty you feel. You start to “should” yourself and scold yourself. You feel like there’s something wrong with you. It feels like your willpower is faulty. You know that if you just got started, you’d feel better. But getting started feels like an insurmountable hurdle.
So why does this happen? As a perfectionist procrastinator, you likely have a lot of anxiety about doing projects. You’ve set the bar too high to reach your goals. So you probably know deep down that doing a project to your impossible standards will be exhausting. And you’re probably anxious that whatever you do won’t be good enough, or that you’ll fail somehow. And because perfectionism is fueled by anxiety, you start to procrastinate so you can avoid the discomfort of anxiety. After all, if you never start something, you can’t fail at it.
Procrastination and Perfectionism: A Vicious Cycle
Perfectionism and procrastination are linked by anxiety. The fear of failure and inadequacy causes procrastination. This in turn causes you to be even more anxious and perfectionistic. Procrastination, perfectionism, and anxiety start to form a vicious cycle that loops around endlessly.
As a perfectionist procrastinator, you want to avoid judgment and criticism from others – and from yourself most of all. Doing something wrong or making mistakes feel like unimaginable outcomes. If you mess up, you have to face the idea that you think there is something wrong with you at your core. Your core beliefs about your own inadequacies as a person fuel your perfectionist and procrastinator behaviors.
You subconsciously believe that if you do everything perfectly, you’ll be safe from failure and rejection. You believe you’ll be enough/loved/worthy. And you believe that making mistakes means that you’re not enough, not loveable, or not worthy.
Your subconscious beliefs aren’t your fault. They likely developed in your early childhood, and you may not even realize how they affect you. But these beliefs do impact your behaviors and your mental health. The procrastination-perfection cycle can cause problems in your life.
For one thing, if you avoid the things you’re afraid of – rejection, criticism, feeling inadequate – then those things have control over you. You may become extremely sensitive to criticism, for example, and assume you’re being criticized all the time even when you’re not. And you may spend a ton of energy trying to control other people’s perception of you to avoid feeling bad about yourself. This is both exhausting and impossible. It impacts your relationships and increases your anxiety.
Another problem with the procrastination and perfectionism cycle is the tendency to beat yourself up. If you’re like many of the perfectionist procrastinators I work with, you probably have a very loud inner critic who constantly screams at you to do better. This voice tells you to just get on with it already, to be the very best at whatever thing you’re putting off, and to stop being so anxious about everything. It constantly asks: “what’s wrong with you for feeling the way you do?” That’s a lot of criticism – and pressure. This voice fuels procrastination and perfectionism and can also increase feelings of anxiety, low self-worth, frustration, anger, and shame.
How to Overcome Perfectionism and Procrastination
Perfectionism and procrastination are fueled by anxiety, fear, and avoiding negative emotions. Core beliefs that tell you you’re not good enough or not worthy enough reinforce perfectionist and procrastinating behaviors.
When I work with clients to overcome these behaviors and fears, we confront that anxiety directly. Facing your fears of failure and discomfort is the path to peace because when you face them head-on they stop having so much control over you.
Every person’s journey out of perfectionism is different. However, many of my clients have benefited from challenging their beliefs, reframing their thoughts, and practicing sitting with discomfort. So here are 4 ways to overcome perfectionism and procrastination that you can practice today.
Notice what comes up for you when you’re in a cycle of perfectionism and procrastination. Do you feel anxious? Are you angry at yourself? What are your symptoms? What’s your self-talk like? Simply bring awareness to your experience, and see if you can notice any patterns.
Challenge the assumption that your perfectionist's feelings and beliefs are true. For example, ask yourself what would really happen if you made a mistake. Would that truly make you a horrible person? Who, if anyone, are you disappointing in this scenario? And if so, what would that mean? Would it be okay? Could you recover? Have other people made mistakes before? How did you react? Have you made mistakes before? What happened then?
Lower your standards for a project or goal you want to start. Maybe you’re procrastinating because you feel like you need to spend an inordinate amount of time on the project. Let’s say you’re procrastinating working out because unless your workout is a full hour long, you don’t feel like it “counts.” But you’re exhausted, and the idea of an hour-long workout seems like a slog – so you keep putting it off. Perfectionists often feel like things don’t “count” unless they’re done the “right” way. When you notice a thought or instinct like this, challenge it. Instead of tossing the whole workout in the trash, just move your body for 10 minutes. Set a timer and go – and then give yourself full permission to be done afterward.
Practice sitting with feelings of discomfort. This is probably the most important step you can take. When something feels uncomfortable, that doesn’t mean it’s dangerous. Negative emotions can feel bad or wrong, but really they’re just neutral information. When anxiety or feelings of worthlessness pop up, try setting a timer for a couple of minutes and just sitting with them. Don’t try to change or stop what’s happening – just be curious and gentle. And tell yourself you are safe even if you make mistakes and have messy emotions.
All of these steps take practice, time, and lots of self-compassion. Changing deep-seated beliefs and fears doesn’t happen overnight. Start small, and keep going.
Therapy Can Help You Figure Out How to Overcome Perfectionism and Procrastination
If you’re struggling with perfectionism and procrastination, you’re not alone. And I’m here to help. Together, we can practice facing discomfort, changing your beliefs, and cultivating self-compassion in order to free yourself from the procrastination and perfectionism cycle.
Get in touch to learn more about counseling with me and see if anxiety therapy could be a good fit for you.
I also have an online course created to help you learn my most effective strategies for managing anxiety related to perfectionism. The Path to Peace teaches you these techniques in just 7 days. To learn more about The Path to Peace, click here.
MEET THE AUTHOR
Justine Carino
Justine is a licensed mental health counselor with a private practice in White Plains, NY. She helps teenagers, young adults and families struggling with anxiety, depression, family conflict and relationship issues. Justine is also the host of the podcast Thoughts From the Couch.
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